Atlantis

Hi everyone. I can't think of anything to start my thoughts tonight but with a greeting. I have a lot of things, random things happening in my life right now. Recently just had a S.O. Just finished moving back to my house, which is exhausting and I should say happy,sad,hard and easy combined. Confusing isn't it? yeah I thought so too. That's exactly what I'm feeling right now.

I can't help but to think of the fact that I'm constantly searching for a place.. I guess we all do. Somewhere we think we matter. A place where we can feel that you're not just an ordinary neighbor. Friend that you can always rely on, an office mate that you eat lunch with everyday. And until you find that place, you'll continue searching.

But as of tonight, i can't say that I've found it just yet. But I can say that I am enjoying the journey that I'm in. I feel that whatever life come my way... I'm not alone. I have someone that will make it worthwhile. I'm hoping to have her as I face the future challenges my life will offer. And she has me for whatever life may take her. We'll be finding Atlantis, no matter this place really exist or not..

A Life full of Happiness

Basically I haven't made any blog for this week so I really feel the need to come up with one. Alright, here it is.

I kinda met this girl, although i havnt had any close circumstance yet ( and im hoping we could have in the nearest future) really. I should say that I'm so at ease when i talk to her, every moment is filled with joy. No dull moment, and the talk is just amazing. I can talk about anything to her, and as far as i can sense it she can too towards me.

What seems to be so great is that we share some characters and upbringings that's why we can relate with each other. She's easy to talk with, sweet and charming.. I'm really overwhelmed with her kindness.

we've been exchanging words for almost a little over a week now. Seriously, i kept all her messages from the very beggining til the end.

I'll name her Happiness. Yeah, that's perfect.since that what she is to me. And that what she makes me feel every second.

life in general as anyone says, is full of it. You just have to appreciate everything around you.
And you need to look closer,.. it might not be the perfect life you picture, but seriously it is. Full of moments filled with happiness.


And one more thing, I love saying that word now.. happiness.. happiness .. *wink*

Hot and Cold

I've never felt so irritated and upset at the same time, oh well not since when i felt this hot and cold treatment. You will never be right or wrong, you wouldn't know the persons moods and swings. You cannot be in right time on how to wear a smile on your face. Or at least pretend that you don't care. I somehow felt that i started this thing but I've never realized how irritating this can be.

There was this one time, that I saw this friend of mine. Let's call this person Red. Red is my person. or i think Red was. What is surprising me is that how I am affected by this set up. As much as I would like not to mind, it is really affecting me. The other thing that is concerning me is that Red is going through a rough time. Really really tough time I would say and it's going to be a while. It's a pretty big dilemma concerning family matters.

Sometimes I would like to ask Red: How are you holding up? But the moment i think of this, the more blurred I can think of how Red is gonna react. Will Red brush me off, or pretend to care? I know how hard it is to be in the exact situation as Red is in right now. But for goodness sake I've been meaning to say. Whatever life put upon you, you have to be strong for your family. You are their only hope. Hold on, everything would be fine. Just don't do inappropriate things that would mess your life. They need you to be strong.

Why are you doing it? Just for fun? or for what? Whatever reason that lead you to do that "Thing with our Friend" I can't understand it. And I don't like it. I know that you're better than that. And you're capable of doing better than that. Just please stop doing it. Please. please.

Let turn these switches off.

Disappointments

"Disappointment came to me,
and booted me,
and bruised and hurt me,
but that's how people grow up."
— Morrissey

Why does people keeps on disappointing you. Just when you have thought that you actually knew them already, then suddenly find yourself defenseless with certain surprises and make you realize that you barely know them. Well I guess, it hurts so much because you have put your trust and faith and believe that what you see is what you get. But its not the case. We have to admit that the world isn't really what you thought it would be.. and that thing hurts us so much, so bad.

Disappointments come in many different ways, different stuations.
It can come from families, friends, relationships, work, ambitions, and the most unbelievable truth,..it can come from ourselves. We often times disappoint ourselves. How could we be of defense through all these? We may hear a lot of advices, a lot of moving words of wisdom. But can we really take it all when you are the one to hear them. It's pretty tiring actually. You know you've heard them before and most of them came from you when you are the one who did the advising. You knew it very well then. I don't.

Through all these series of disappointments that had been the trend of my life lately. I have came up with the solution that I'll just let them and made myself not to care so much. This is to say the opposite to my character. I don't brag that i'm so caring because i seem to be snob sometimes. But when i start to care, you will get sick of me. I assure you that. Because, that is me. It's not a surprise that disappointment comes when deeply involved. That is who I am. And it's killing me to do this.

The harder thing to do is to accept the fact that in the process in all of this, you feel that your losing a friend. And that is the situation where I don't wanna be at. You're supposed to gain friends! not lose them. well..

I dunno I just wish that I'm not so caring enough. Making me not to experience this in the first place. I have said this before to particular friends, I don't want to feel desperate. This is the last thing i wanna feel.

Quiapo Invasion

mmm.. let's see how do i start to tell what happened this weekend. I had the usual weekend. Spent most of the time staying home, the only thing i really enjoyed about last weekend was when I went to Quiapo with a couple of new company. It was a hot saturday and we went there to specifically buy me a badminton racket. Yes, since one of my regular playmate in the group told me about this class A racket available in an Recto since he noticed that mine is already deformed and out of shape. It sux really. I noticed that i don’t really maximize my game and its giving me a hard time to put my game on court. So, i told my friends i could use some company to check it out. I forgot to mention that we posted some flyers around our area looking for space occupants.

Alright, we dropped by first in our tita's house for me to get some stuff. Wait i'll be calling it House B since there might be confusion about the house's ill be mentioning about. So House A - is where my mother is and House B is where my Tita is. Owkay,.. I got myself a little confused there. Then we headed to Quiapo through LRT 2. We took some snack when we got there, Oh by the way we saw some miniature anime characters with cheap price ranging from 30 -50 Php. I am really tempted to make a collection of it. They were like those you see in malls with very unreasonable super expensive prices which will make you utter some words like 'that is unfair for a very small piece of toy" when you see the price tags or heard the attendant about it. But then we were on a budget and decided to move on. So we tried looking for "The store" he mentioned which I’m pretty sure he said is in Recto, and guess what? we can't find it. I texted another playmate if she knows about the place and waited for her response when We found ourselves wandering around the Aranke market and ended up checking out some cute puppies.

I got a reply. "Blue, sa Raon po un and we will not be able to play this afternoon." then i replied that i will not make it too and patiently head our way to Raon. believe me its a long walk not to mention that it's too damn effin HOT! haha. . The good thing is my friends were very supportive or they are just not complaining. We found our first store and saw a few rackets then decided to look in more in other stores. I must tell that you have to be patient looking for any possible sports store since you will really get a big bargain when you hop through each one of them, and you'll get a lot of choices that will make it hard for you to decide which one to get. And we realized that we actually almost infront of Quiapo already seeing the footbridge when we saw this last big store and has a lot of items to choose from. It's ranging from 500-650 Class A rackets which they will string up packaged with the purchase. I got myself a Yonex. I forgot the model name, ill mention it in some other time. The attendant mentioned to get back after 45 minutes to get the strings done.

So we decided to find and say a quick prayer to Quiapo church and went to the other side to check some dvd's. As usual, a lot of onlookers for the latest movies. We roam around until 4pm. We went back to get my racket and left for home.

i had a friend who just recently broke up with her bf,
Rose, im sorry i wasn’t able to be there. I'm pretty booked up these days. Kaya mo yan,. What's another heartache for everything you've been through.

Jin, what happened? I know you guys can fix it.

Yorap,. Oks lang yan,. cenxa na i can't talk to you like i used to be. But i think its better this way. I know u have a lot of things going on right now. Hold on men. you're strong. You can make it through.

Embo and Vergel. Astig, enjoyed the company. Sipagan nyo lang,. magiging maaus din lahat. Looking forward of more kulitan.

Dar.. Wag bibitaw sa family. Dont think that your'e worthless. The fact that your'e worrying bout your siblings proves your worth. Maybe not so significant right now but in time. you will be.

Chill, sorry kung di ako nakakareply.. I'm still confused.

Rosedel, well.. I wish you all the happiness. You deserve it, I just hope that you can find it with him. I'm not mad. I'm used to it.

Maphy.. try to be healthy.. mhirap pag ikaw pa ang lalong magkasakit.. Clean living alright. complicated na situation.

Concep.. miss you as always..

Badminton Thursday

Tonight was fun. We played the usual badminton weekly game being held at 'The ZOne' every Thursday. We had 2 hours of tough games. I must say were really improving. One of our officemates mentioned that they were planning of getting a formal training in this game. We thought it would be exciting. So were all looking forward of getting an appointment to a badminton coach.

Anyway,Ely and I had a bet and about getting in at the office at a certain time. And ofcourse, I won. so after the game, we tagged along to Mj and dropped us by at Araneta. We took our dinner around past 10 and had the promised "bucket of beers". We have talked some things over. Bout anything, it was a nice talk. Then we headed our separate ways going home.

I took my usual way of transpo and I decided to go back to the house i'm renting (Just so you know, My mom is living there with our adapted kid). I thought of dropping by since there is a send off party i need to be at. It was around 1:30 when i arrived and i realized that there's no one left anymore.

I texted a friend and mentioned bout it. As usual, he can't be of a company due to exams and all that crap. (Student stuff). So I decided to get back home to where I am staying now (with my tita). All in all this is not an interesting journal to read for but i just want to have my share of how things went last night. Today is friday and Thank God for it. Yiha! friday is my favorite day of the week. We'll of course i love weekend. But friday tells me i'll be free for a couple of days. thinking of nothing but how to spend my days off. I'm thinking about a couple of things but let's see.. Nuff for now. ayt. d: >

Back to my old crib

So here I am. Back to my what I'm calling "New Old Home". For those who are curious why I'm calling it like that. Here's a quick story about it. Remember that terrible flood when typhoon Ondoy hit the Philippines. Yeah, unluckily this was one of the places that wasn't able to escape its rage. But here we all are, trying to go on as if nothing happened. Anyway, I'd like to think that i'll be home whenever I go back to this place. I'm trying to be positive and lift my spirit. So now. I just came back since this monday (Feb 22,'10).

The first night i cant seem to get some sleep. I suddenly woke up after having an hour of forced sleep. then commenced after 2 hours of twist and turns on my bed. Didn't expect to be this strange. But i know i'll get used to it again.

Anyway, as a treat I'll treat you with some sneak pics of my "New Old Home"


This is used to be my Tita's bedroom, where i would be messing around my things with.

First glance of the main entrance door. A new chance for my exploring thoughts for home designs.


mmm.. pretty mess, haha this is where i usually do my sleeping these days. Don't I have the time to fix this, No. Pretty lazy after rising in bed.
My cute toilet. I can use of someone who could clean this for me, anyone?

Outside the main entrance door to my place at the house. This is where the kitchen and dining area are.




Going up..

Up to the second floor.

To the right, is my Titas place of the house. The whole 2nd Floor. This is as far as I can show, since it's my Tita's territory. Can't show other areas. It's private.

To the left is the veranda, can't seem to find a perfect spot to point and shoot. I really need to learn those pictorial lessons. Can anyone teach me how? Please..

That's it for now guys. I really feel so different but I know I need this place to start over. Refresh. Renew. And enjoy life against all the disappointment that will come my way.

It doesn't matter. Who is without flaw?

ive never felt so lost and confused in my entire life as until i was lying in bed this one sunday morning. A lot of things had happened recently, things beyond my sanity could ever imagine. terrible things. sad decisions. confusing situation. happy thoughts. great friends. lovely neighborhood.agonizing heartbreaks. weak will. painful considerations.repeating second thoughts.

And then i asked myself. Are all these worth it. Do i deserve to be in this same exact situation.

It has been great to live in a place where you actually matter. But what if I myself doesnt deserve to be in such place? What if, after meeting these wonderful people im still destined to be alone? These are the questions that are completely driving me insane. How do handle a situation by which a part of you wants to do something, but then the other half would actually tell you that you are bound to do something else.ouch.Tension of the opposites.Feels like im a rubber band being stretched until i completely snap out and lose it.

I dont want to be anything other than me.
I am myself. Have to act on my belief.Keep strong. Live the life. Stand by my decisions. I am doing it. I feel sad, but im totally moving on.